I decided to put all my other ideas on hold today because over this past weekend I’ve made an enormous decision. Come approximately this time next year, I’m sending myself on the trip of a lifetime to a dickload of countries in Europe. The last 4-5 days have been significantly out of the ordinary, one of which being my friend Ishraq introducing me to the book 1,000 Places to See Before You Die, which essentially pointed out to me that I’ve traveled to waaaaay too few places considering how much I love to travel. Ishraq’s stories of travel and mention of his aspirations of doing more made me think that if I hadn’t spent so much money on beer and half-price appetizers at Applebee’s, I could have done quite a bit of traveling myself. I have some serious catching up to do.
This is not to say that I haven’t been anywhere. Hawaii, Bermuda, and Branson, Missouri (it’s like Vegas for really old people who don’t like to gamble anymore but still want to see terrible actors sing terrible show tunes) were all great times, but they felt too similar to “real” life, they were far too structured and left very little room for freedom time. My ideal vacation would be, as the boys who went to Hershey with me last year would say, controlled chaos. That is, a trip a very, VERY general structure and my companions and I filling in the gaps with hulking, loving spoonfuls of fun. I would probably be the worst travel agent ever:
“So where do you want to go?”
“We’d like to go to Aruba.”
“K, have fun. That’ll be 300 dollars.”
Europe, with it’s multitude of hostels and cheap forms of transportation, is ideal for my kind of vacation. Plus, I loves me some Spanish and gypsy culture.
My companion for this epic journey will be the best beard I’ve ever known, Mr. Michael Goldense, the man behind A small “x” and Escalade Incompetency. Mike has apparently been dreaming of a trip like this for quite a few years now and his only question to me was if we can “drink brewskis in the Deutchland,” to which i responded with a resounding “OK.” Mike will be the Frodo Baggins to my Samwise Gamgee, but only because I’m chubby and enjoy gardening, and probably with slightly less intensely awkward homoerotic gazes of longing.
But only slightly less.
Rumor has it that joining us may be a scrawny Bengali with a wanderlust unlike any other, who for this analogy’s sake I suppose can be Legolas because they’re both skinny. Another possibility may be a muscular brute with a heart of gold who could totally be Treebeard because Ents Rawk s0x0rzzz!!!!1 The dude is seriously like 17,051 years old and fucks shit up like crazy!
I’ll update once the planning process begins and we start building the framework of our adventure with all that super fun information that I know you’re all waiting on the edge of your seat for.
On a completely unrelated note, under the advisement of Mike “twitchybrow” Goldense, I’ll be doing my damnedest to make this a Monday-Friday thing, to better improve my writing skills and to satiate everyone’s hunger for all things Tim Fitzpatrick.